The Chef Horror Mini Store


Daily Recipes


  • Say "Oui, Chef!" when it's not a French kitchen
  • Stand around while everyone is working
  • OCD workstation
  • 1 hour into service, not even set yet
  • Deodorant (optional)

Mix thoroughly with alcohol. Let sit outside for the 5th cigarette break in as many hours. Post to instagram about #cheflife.

Burnt-out Chef

  • 1 smartphone with wifi connection
  • Heaping scoop of upcoming vacation
  • 2 parts can't get through a shift wihout a drink
  • 3-4 servers you are trying to bang (or pre-banged, whatever's available)

Mix smartphone with ample talk about vacation plans. Add distracting conversation with waitstaff while polishing the counter with your butt. Disappear when needed. Serve with shift beers.

Angry Linecook

  • 1 relentless ticket printer
  • 2-3 disorganized coworkers
  • Dash of might not make rent this month
  • 45-60 minute ticket times
  • Dick jokes (to taste)

Let cook marinate in sweat, grease, and noise on 4 hours of sleep. Add dick jokes, slowly at first, and alternate with a steady flow of special request tickets. Serve immediately with salt.

Kitchen Lifer

  • 1 dozen years cooking in restaurants
  • 4-5 dropped tickets
  • 1 large ego
  • 1 deli cup of bourbon

Bring ingredients to a boil and add sour personality. Reduce until you can't tell how they still have a job. Pour over inappopriate relationship with management.