Daily Recipes
Posers
- Say "Oui, Chef!" when it's not a French kitchen
- Stand around while everyone is working
- OCD workstation
- 1 hour into service, not even set yet
- Deodorant (optional)
Mix thoroughly with alcohol. Let sit outside for the 5th cigarette break in as many hours. Post to instagram about #cheflife.
Burnt-out Chef
- 1 smartphone with wifi connection
- Heaping scoop of upcoming vacation
- 2 parts can't get through a shift wihout a drink
- 3-4 servers you are trying to bang (or pre-banged, whatever's available)
Mix smartphone with ample talk about vacation plans. Add distracting conversation with waitstaff while polishing the counter with your butt. Disappear when needed. Serve with shift beers.
Angry Linecook
- 1 relentless ticket printer
- 2-3 disorganized coworkers
- Dash of might not make rent this month
- 45-60 minute ticket times
- Dick jokes (to taste)
Let cook marinate in sweat, grease, and noise on 4 hours of sleep. Add dick jokes, slowly at first, and alternate with a steady flow of special request tickets. Serve immediately with salt.
Kitchen Lifer
- 1 dozen years cooking in restaurants
- 4-5 dropped tickets
- 1 large ego
- 1 deli cup of bourbon
Bring ingredients to a boil and add sour personality. Reduce until you can't tell how they still have a job. Pour over inappopriate relationship with management.